I used to have sooooo many days where anxiety kept inviting itself over, again and again.
No matter how many times I would ask it to leave, it kept knocking at the door.
I tried hiding behind the curtain to pretend no one was home. However, it eventually found a weak spot within my foundation, barged right in, and made itself at home within my heart. Not only residing longer than I should tolerate and allow, but also leaving it’s muddy footprints behind.
But, after enduring the growing pains of becoming better, plus more honest with myself, I learned that anxiety would not just go away upon request. Even after several eviction notices.
Instead, it must be brought to court, and you must endure a full on trial to sit with it, sift through it, really evaluate it, and bring all that it is, up to the light.
No matter how much anxiety has stung, every time I held it to the light, I saw it for what it was – a messy, yet somehow strategically tangled ball of my life. My past, present, and all of the questions about my future… But when simply held to the light, it became apparent that the panic and fear are just a result of the overflow of a new thing setting up camp within me.
A new thing that is leaving no room for all of the pain, loss, or pretend from the past. A good thing that desires to take up so much space, the ugly things have to go and can only be used to make me stronger as I continue living. And, when I began looking at anxiety like that, I am honored to have endured the scary, confused, worry, and heartbreak, because I want to make as much room as I can for the truth that belongs here in this heart.
Hallie Orton 